Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
THIS is an INSTANT classic...
And Laugh Your Ass Off!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Six weeks ago it was a hernia, 3 weeks ago a blasted nasty cold, and now...
...a most heinous sinus infection. I'll save you the goreys but suffice to say the antibiotics have been doing as number on my innards... I feel like I've eaten nothing but Indian for a fortnight. Other that the royal visits to the throne I am pretty much horizontal.
I'm even in too much discomfort to tell you about my day at 3 CLSC (clinics) and the emergency... once I'm feeling better and the venom is coursing through the veins I'll up date you. I get violent in one part that was most satisfying. But for now... back to bed...
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
... here are some very good reasons why you should. (I quote these more often than I should)...
Coco: Oh, Evie, when I was at Vassar, I became... with child. And I had... a procedure.
Evie: That's your big secret?! An abortion?!
Coco: Have you had one?
Evie: Coco, I've had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage!
Coco: What do you think about the idea of having a dog in the house?
Evie: I'm sorry, have I been staring?
Coco: I'm thinking of getting one. I mean, let's face it, at this point I'm probably never going to have kids.
Evie: Oh, Coco, it's not too late. [Coco smiles] I'm kidding! A dog sounds fun.
Coco: It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. "Do you have kids?" "No, but I have a dog." "Well it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag."
Evie: [about Varla] Coco, she came by and she was a peach.
Coco: Were you drunk?
Evie: It was 12 noon... of course I was drunk.
Coco: Let me help you with your duffel bag.
Varla: [confused] My things are in the Cabriolet.
Coco: Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your ass.
Varla: Did you know her [Varla's mother]?
Evie: Goodness, yes! We were... we were always running into each other at auditions. She had such a bright future, too! We were all so shocked when she offed herself.
Evie: Oh, I'm sorry, passed herself away.
Varla: Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so... I have so many questions. What was she like?
Coco: Very sweet.
Evie: Uh-huh. And a big pothead!
Evie: LOVED cock!
Evie: I'm sorry, Coco is Sexaphobic.
Varla: My mother always said, "Feelings are like treasures, so bury them."
Evie: Hi, Jeff? You rammed into me today and I want seconds.
Evie: One drink? What's that?
Evie: So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy-style and your name is Barker!
Jeff: [looking at Evie's wall photographs] You knew Mary Tyler Moore?
Evie: Very well. Funny story... she has diabetes.
Evie: [pointing out houses to Coco] June Allyson! You know, they offered me that Depends commercial. Lot of money, too. Just one little problem... I don't shit my pants!
Coco: You raped me.
Dr. Benson: Yeah... I'm sorry about that.
Coco: You still shouldn't have drugged and raped me.
Dr. Benson: Really super sorry.
Laurent: My apologies for being so bold but... when I see the best, I have to have it.
Varla: Well you know, a Maserati needs much more pampering than a Toyota.
Laurent: This is not a problem if the Maserati will take its driver where he wants to go.
Varla: Maseratis don't do anal!
Stevie: Mom, no one will hire you!
Evie: Why not?! I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go.
Coco: Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed.
Stevie: I think you know.
Evie: My attitude?
Evie: My drinking?
Evie: Chronic lateness?
Evie: Never learned my lines?
Evie: The kleptomania?
Evie: I spread disease?
Evie: Then what?!
Stevie: That little thing where you ran over a family of four while drunk off your ass?
Evie: It was a family of six! I only killed four. And what kind of people have a picnic in their own back yard!
Do yourselves a favour; rent it, borrow it, download it, buy it... I can't tell you how many times I ahve watched it, but I can tellyou I'll keep on watching it, over and over and over again.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
This is a bit of a delicate matter, more directed towards the tom-cats … although the ladies might be able to comment on behalf of their bf’s\husbands… but I think, somehow this might be homo-specific…
Look there’s no polite way to discuss this…
Guys… you ever shave your balls? - not the FULL monty, cause that’s a LOT eepycray… you know, just the ‘boys’...
So, are you the shorn scrotum type?
Yes? You are? Good… ok I have a few questions, baring in mind that this is not something I normally do, but I was bored the other weekend and thought you know… why not? I’m on the market and you know, it pays to have a clean house when inviting over company… ;-)
Here’s the thing, what is the real upkeep involved here? ‘Cause personally it’s NOT the sort of place I want to have to shave THAT often. Hell, I tend to only shave my face once, maaaaaybe twice a week. On Sat, once I hit the one week mark I re-did ‘em and I would have done em sooner but as I’ve been sick and coughing and sneezing a lot I thought it best to wait til I and I’ll admit it went ‘smoother’ than the initial man-scapping but still it’s not a place where speed is an option, you just can’t go “Ginsu” down there. You need to have time on your hands…. And really it’s the sorta job that if you’re NOT going to do a good job, don’t bother… Personally I’ve been on the ‘receiving end’ of well… you know and it is NOT a place where stubble is attractive….
And since we’re on the subject, what is your preference? You like em in a fur coat or bare as a baby’s bottom?
So… Comments? Opinions? Beauty tips?
Tonight, on my commute home I passed not one, but two, count em... TWO houses with their Christmas lights not only on (in one case I firmly believe they were never taken down) but also lit up. Yes Kittens, at least two douche bags in the City of Montréal have turned ON their Exterior Christmas Decorations.
You know me kittens. you KNOW I ***LIVE*** for Christmas... and you KNOW that secretly I've been planning the decoration schemes of my new place since the day I moved in; but people, please... give me a frickin break here... It's just way the fuck too early to be turning on Christmas Lights....
- - - - -
With this in mind, here are Misster-Kitty's Steadfast rules to Christmas:
1) Christmas Music.
Cannot be played until November 25th and no later than January 6th.
2) Christmas Decorations.
Cannot be displayed until December 1st and no later than Jan 6th. With the following exceptions:
2a) Exterior Illuminated Decorations MAY be permitted to be put up during the last week of November due to potential inclement weather in December (those in the south can just effing wait!) but aside from a quick check to ensure all are working, NOTHING is to be illuminated until Dec 1st.
2b) If you're a handicapped individual you may begin Interior Decorations during the last week of November. (Kitty is not a hateful bitch after all)
2c) If your colour scheme on Window, Door and or Exterior illumination is white (ONLY) with, or without a motif of Snowflakes, you are permitted to leave these lights up until the end of January and may at your discretion keep them lit at night... say if you're having a party or there is a fantabulous snow fall taken place at the time.
3a) If you have an Artificial Tree (and really, I have to ask, WHY?) you can put it up no earlier than the 7th of December
3b) Natural Trees (you know this is the only REAL option, don't you Kittens) should not be put up any earlier than December 14th
3c) In either case (3a or 3b) the trees MUST be removed by January 6th
4) Office Decorations.
Should only be put up on the First Friday in December and should be timed with the end of the day, so as to be a more pleasant greeting to all on Monday Morning, and should be removed the First business day after New Years Day.
You should NEVER feel fear or the potential for recrimination in wishing someone a "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" in mixed company, on the street etc (If Office Protocol stipulates "Season's Greetings", that's fine, but if someone wishes you a Merry Christmas, you should return the greeting!) The only time one should refrain is if you are in a known non-christian location: Synagogue, Temple, Satanic Dungeon (hey it happens to the best of us on occasion... some of us try for at least once a month *cough cough*) At the local Jewish Deli and so on... Come on people share the joy of the season, don't be a douche! If when you greet someone with your most cherrful "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" and they say they are not christian, or do not celebrate Christmas, simple smile and say "Well all the best none the less" (and secretly, flip them the bird!)
6) Festive Holiday Attire.
Should be reserved from the Monday preceding Christmas Day, and may continue until New Years Day. Musical ties for men are NEVER acceptable. Wearing a Santa's hat in place of a tuque or other winter cap or hat IS acceptable, between the Monday Before Christmas and Dec 27th.
Note to Orthodox Christians...
Really? You just HAVE to be different, don't you? Just gotta rock the boat, holiday after holiday... Fine you should shift all specified start and end dates 2 weeks forward.
I hope this helps to clear up and confusion on the subject. If you have any questions please, do not hesitate to ask.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Here in Montréal there is an annual Montréal World Vegan Day Fashion Show. Again I say... I know, right?!
Well I more than knew because not only was the emcee of this event none other than my bestest gal pal (and fag hag in training) N@ Lauzon, but as well one of the celeb invite guests was an old friend from back east Lucy Decoutere, star of Trailer Park Boys (Yea I don't watch the show, in fact it was only about a year ago that I found out she's even on it! lol)
So I just got back and it was a fun night...
Who knew that there are Vegan Fashion Designers... pas moi!
The Event is organized by the Concordia Animal Rights Association (CARA) Among other specially guests were Habs Georges Laraque, and also from Trailer Park Boys, Sarah Dunsworth, and local band Commander Keen (with Jalene Vandermey) They were actually kinda fun and did a kick ass cover of Cory Hart's Sunglasses at Night! No shit!
The important part of this event, for me at least, aside from being there to support friends was that 100% of the proceeds from this annual event go to the Montréal SPCA and their fight against Puppy Mills. And being the Father of a Puppy Mill Rescue Pup it's something I can support 110% ANd I got to hang with N@, N@'s Mom Ma Horton, BF Corn, Sis Dawn and Aunt... Um...N@'s Aunt.. heh And got a few mins to chat with Lucy . I've not seen her since I moved to Mtl back in 1991 It was short but sweet and I also scored some MAJOR karma by having her sign a pack a smokes for a co-workers boyfriend who's a big fan of the Trailer Park Boys... It's nice to see that Lucy hasn't changed one bit! She's still the same energetic foul mouth freak that I remember. Love ya Lucy!
Next year I'll go again and I'll be a little more proactive and mention this BEFORE so in case YOU want to go you'll know...
ANYhoo...here's a few pics of the evening... sorry they totally suck but flash wasn't helping the place had a lot of 'atmospheric dust'
The Hostess with the Mostess... N@ Lauzon...
Lucy and Sarah... Lucy basically is a hyperactive child and this was the BEST pic I have of her front side from the fashion show...
But here's a GREAT shot of Lucy's ass...
This is a super fuzzy shot, but it's N@ being piggy-backed by Georges... cute!
At the end of the fashion show all the models on stage...
Commander Keen (with Jalene Vandermey)...
Sarah and Lucy after the show... chit-chattin' and a posin'!
And last, but not least... N@ and I... self portrait...
(Ma Horton, you'll have to send me the pic of us... )