Things I learned from our houseguests...
1) Socks. All socks must be decorative. Have little images on them, funky coloured stripes or words.
2) Orange. This is a highly underrated colour that must apparently be worn at all times... At least one of the following should be orange: shirt, pant, shoes, socks, knickers, glasses. (I thought this rule only applied to Leopard print, but what do I know?)
3) The Weather Channel (MetéoMedia). Apparently this is one of the most interesting television channels. You should have it on all the time. And even though it broadcasts with an approximate 20 minute loop, keep it on at all times and watch it as much as you can.
4) The Bathroom Door. This MUST be closed at all times. Even when there is nobody in the bathroom, keep that door shut. Consider this is a game, meant to increase the size of your bladder and lower intestines AND the time you can 'hold it' because you always think the room is 'ocupado'. And no matter how often you DO open the door; walk past it mere moments later and it will be closed.
5-a) Coffee. Apparently we only think we drink coffee. We don't. No coffee served in North America is REAL coffee; only brown coffee scented water. It's never strong enough.
5-b) Coffee grounds. It is perfectly acceptable to put 1/2 lb of coffee grounds into the filter of a 14 cup coffee machine (this will put the coffee grinds to the top of the filter rim before any water passes through the filter, but that's ok). Then and only then is it even remotely considered Coffee.
5-c) Coffee aftermath. When placing 1/2 lb of coffee into a 14 cup coffee machine the after effects are thus:
- Each cup of coffee will have approx 3-5 mm of sediment at the bottom and possible dome more resilient grounds floating at the top.
- The Coffee grinds will expand enough to actually partially lift the lid of the coffee machine.
- No matter how much cleaning you do, grinds will remain in the water reservoir for more than 2 weeks.
2) Orange. This is a highly underrated colour that must apparently be worn at all times... At least one of the following should be orange: shirt, pant, shoes, socks, knickers, glasses. (I thought this rule only applied to Leopard print, but what do I know?)
3) The Weather Channel (MetéoMedia). Apparently this is one of the most interesting television channels. You should have it on all the time. And even though it broadcasts with an approximate 20 minute loop, keep it on at all times and watch it as much as you can.
4) The Bathroom Door. This MUST be closed at all times. Even when there is nobody in the bathroom, keep that door shut. Consider this is a game, meant to increase the size of your bladder and lower intestines AND the time you can 'hold it' because you always think the room is 'ocupado'. And no matter how often you DO open the door; walk past it mere moments later and it will be closed.
5-a) Coffee. Apparently we only think we drink coffee. We don't. No coffee served in North America is REAL coffee; only brown coffee scented water. It's never strong enough.
5-b) Coffee grounds. It is perfectly acceptable to put 1/2 lb of coffee grounds into the filter of a 14 cup coffee machine (this will put the coffee grinds to the top of the filter rim before any water passes through the filter, but that's ok). Then and only then is it even remotely considered Coffee.
5-c) Coffee aftermath. When placing 1/2 lb of coffee into a 14 cup coffee machine the after effects are thus:
- Each cup of coffee will have approx 3-5 mm of sediment at the bottom and possible dome more resilient grounds floating at the top.
- The Coffee grinds will expand enough to actually partially lift the lid of the coffee machine.
- No matter how much cleaning you do, grinds will remain in the water reservoir for more than 2 weeks.
6) Champagne. It is always the right time to pop a cork and share a bottle of Champagne.
