Wednesday, April 30, 2008

What she say???!?!

OK. Me man loves himself some Amy Winehouse, and to tell you the truth, so do I and it's just not her train wreck private life... The gurl got lungs! There's more soul in her skinny, white, jewish ass than most black singers could ever buy.

So tonight I borrowed my boss' copy of "I Told You I Was Trouble. Live in London" DVD.

It was spectatular... including all the extras. My one and only problem is ...what the fuck is she saying? Not only when she's singing, but when she's talking.

Look, I KNOW the lyrics and even still, I was like... huh? wha'? And it's usually ME that people ask to translate a fab British Accent on anything 'Britcom'...

I lurvs the gurl, but she could use a couple elocution lessons, s'alls I'm sayin'. I'd give my left testicle to see her in My Fair Lady. Heh!

If ya get the chance... it...
...and put on the sub-titles. They're offered in like five languages...

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Exit, stage left - hips don't lie (but torn tendons do... so it seems)

Shake 'em if ya got 'em...

No? Got nothin' to shake?... Well Shannon, it's really not your fault... You can't help it if your hips are flatter than your chest. And let's face it you admitted to wearing false eyelashes, hair extensions, breast padding and ASS padding... and still there waren't much a-shakin'

Still, all in all, I think Christian should have taken a graceful exit this week, and not you. I honestly don't see how he will be able to truly compete going forward... If he really DOES need surgery to repair the damage done, what Doctor in his right mind would allow him to continue... Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't recall any ball-room dance, that only uses one arm...

Any exit going forward for him is just going to be milked for all the drama they can get... (Remember the Marie's fainting... how much air time did THAT get!!!)

But hey... all for the ratings right?

So tonight we bid farewell young Shannon... Now that you've danced with a pole and a blonde, um... 'straight' man... what's next?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

R.I.P. - Molé no mo

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the passing of a much loved pet Molé.

When I went to the bowl to feed Guaca and Molé and Salsa this morning I was dismayed to find Molé sleeping with the fishes, or NOT swimming as the case may be. Attempts at fishy CPR (banging the bejezuz outta the bowl) only appeared to upset Guaca... or maybe it was the loss of his long time companion that was at the root of his frenzied contidion... then again if you were swimming in the same water as your recently deceased domestic partner you'd be freaking like a fish outta water yourself, non?

Alas, all this to say that Mole is no more. A private burial at sea was preformed this morning at 8:45am.

Molé Buisine-Ellis
January 5 2007 - April 24th 2008

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

colour your world.

...or rather colour MY world.

Sorry for the lack of blogginess from me these past few days. Aside from nursing my other half over the weekend from a serious flu bug... he's doing better now thankfully, the poor wee guy had a fever for 2 days...

... I am as I said on Friday on Vacation. But what am I doing with my time you may ask???

-Lounging on the roof, basking in the summer like weather? No.
-Sleeping? No.
-Catching up on reading a good book (or two)? No.

...I am painting our condo. And it's going s-l-o-w-l-y... After two full days I've only accomplished to get the ceiling and walls done in the Livingroom/diningroom/kitchen/hallway.... Yea OK that's a lot but when it's only really one humongous room you can't help but focus on the ONE ROOM part... let me just say this... Open Concept sucks ass! As does a room with eight, corners eight doors and 2 windows, and nine foot ceilings.

Anyhoo, Tomorrow I do the Trim and the big-ass room(s) will be done. Then it's The Computer/spare room on Thursday and hopefully the bedroom on Friday. Then the bathroom can bloody well wait til the following weekend cause damnit I need a day off from my vacation...

Ouuuu and demain I'm chowing down with N@ and Ma... YAY! a chance to get out of my painting gulag and talk to N@ face to face instead of face to radio... heh

OK, well time to hit the hay. I gotta get up early and get to painting again...

So what's new in your world? (what colour is it?)

...speaking of colour... I swear I want my next job to be the person who names paint colours, because damn it... it's been ages since I smoked up....

Here's a rundown of our colours...
-Livingroom/dining room is "Cornerstone" A sorta carmelly-creamy-earthtone.

-Computer room is "Palm Breeze" A sorta light sagey green.
-Bathroom is "Breaker" a sorta pale blue.

-And Bedroom is "Unicorn White" (you know us fags and our unicorn obsession! HA!) it's a sorta pale brownish gray.

-Then ALL trim and doors are "Popped Corn" a faint off white... and here's where we went crazy ass... the ceilings...
... all "Ceiling White" Ain't we rebels!

-And there will be one accent wall between Dining Room and Kitchen in "Ruby Red"... oddly enough.. it's Blue. NOT! It is the reddist red you ever did see!

Exit, stage left - hear no evil...

So lets see...

Marlee is deaf. And the judges are blind and dumb...

It's a real shame that Marlee was sent home tonight. Personally I've been voting for her because I felt the judges had been too hard on her, AND because I bloody well thought she'd deserved to stay. Send Jason and Mario the hell home I say.

I cannot imagine what it must have been like, week after week to do what she did without the ability to hear the music she danced to. True the judges commented on this, often actually, almost to the point where if they said something inspiring about her being deaf, then they could just move on. I think even Marlee would have appreciated at least one night without one of the judges commented on the fact. And what an inspiration to not only those with hearing disabilities but to everyone. What a challenge it was for her, and look how well and how far she came.

Sad to see ya go Marlee, hope you don't mind if I give Marissa your votes from this point on...

Friday, April 18, 2008


Guess who's...


That's who!

Me no workie til Mon the 28th.

Thursday, April 17, 2008





Thanks to NGB for showing me that, which I do not have, I want most!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Prayer Vigil at the Temple of St-Porcelaina

I'm not sure what I did to deserve the past 24 hours, but I need to check my Karma Account, cause apparently I've done something NASTY, or otherwise pissed off someone big. Although, truth be told I'm gonna blame the cafeteria at my office.

Last Friday at lunch (noontime) about 30 mins after I ate, I basically passed out at my desk, and when I awoke about 30 mins later I had severe chills and was sweating bullets. By 2 pm I was feeling very woozy and my balance was on the way out. My boss gave me a lift to the Metro and I was on my way home. I actually fell asleep in the metro (well, 'fell asleep' or 'passed out'... it's a fine line) . Fortunately I awoke only one station past where I should have exited and so I was soon home. I passed out on the sofa, (for reals. p.a.s.s.e.d. o.u.t.) and was only awaken when my man got home.

As I felt fine when I woke up I thought nothing more of it... that was until last night...

At about 8 o'clock I was feeling that wooziness return and felt a distinct rumbling in mah belleh... By 8:30 o'clock I was well seated on the throne and was making return visits every 20 or so minutes. At 10, my man was getting ready for bed, and then it hit. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom and yelled at Didier that I was gonna be sick, and to get outta the way. And with not a moment to spare I was in full prayer position: kneeling in front of the Alter of American Standard, head in the offertory bowl... and I was offering... offering a-plenty.

Ten minutes later I was feeling well and truly evacuated and now had full on chills and the shakes. Didier got me to bed and once he added 2 extra blankets, doubled up, on my side of the bed, I did what was coming naturally to me... passed out.

MIDNIGHT! Eyes bugged open, my right leg in agony with a muscle cramp the size of Smart Car. The pain seared through me and in my attempts to relieve the cramp, my stomach decided this was an opportune time to decide it was in need of some more of that old time relegion... And so with a full on Charlie horse, I hobbled to church and again prostrate in front of the alter I made more offerings to St-Porcelaina -that bitch!

Back to bed I hobbled now not only with severe pain in my right calf , but again with the cold sweats. I didn't actually sleep more than a couple minutes here or there, because either the pain in my leg, or now in my rib cage from all the violent retching, or the chills, or the fear that I was going to be ill again; I tossed and turned until 2:15am when I heard the call to prayer again.

And then, yay me, once more at 3:45, I was in some inexplicable need to get my prayer on and for the forth time that night. At this point I was begging any god that would listen to put me out of my misery. I guess because all I could offer up at this point was water (that I'd be desperately trying to consume to begin re-hydration) and one Tylenol to help ease all the pains, that some god, some where, heard my pleas. I collapsed on the bed and by about 4:30 or so I think I fell asleep.

The alarm went at it's usual 6:50 and I hobbled like the retched refuse that I had become, called the office, said there was no way in hell I was gonna be able to make it to work, and went back to bed.

Awaking at 11, my body was wracked and twisted. My right calf and my rib cage, and now for some inexplicable reason my feet, felt like they really didn't care for me and were going to do all within their ability to make today a painful living hell. I've never felt so empty. So devoid of anything on my inside.

It's going on 3:30 in the afternoon and all I've been able to consume is 2 bananas and water, losts and lots of water and a Gatorade. I think on the water front I must have drunk close to the volume of 3 of the 5 great lakes. (If there are any news reports tonight about drastic drops in the water level, you know what's to blame)

All I want to do is sleep.

- - - - -

The moral to this heinously descriptive tale of woe... As of tomorrow, I am packing a lunch to work.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Exit, stage left - America... Don't be Cruel...

...too late.

Oh Priscilla Priscilla, Priscilla...

How could they do this to you?

I bet Elvis is PISSED! Heck, my guess is he comes out of his self imposed exile and gives the Skanks (a.k.a. Carrie Ann and Bruno) what for. And I for one would NOT want to piss off the King and his bodacious Kung-Fu moves.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Dear Carrie Ann and Bruno...


Carrie Ann, to quote Connie (from Connie and Carla *)...
"Shut up, shut up, shut up! Your voice is giving me Mono!"

Bruno, to quote Connie (also from Connie and Carla **)...
"Carla Bruno, calm down. Your voice is giving me cramps."

If the two of you could kindly just go off somewhere and conveniently die, and leave Len to offer accurate, clear and concise critiques, comments and recommendations, not only would the dancers benefit, but so too would all the viewers (in-studio as well as those at home) by being spared your incessant, obnoxious, rude and generally inaccurate assessments of the dances.

Love you, mean it,

ps: Bruno, could ya maybe ask one of the hair and make-up people to run a brush through that rat's nest of yours?

pps: Seriously, Carrie Ann, keep it in your pants.

- - - - -

* Fun link #1 A vidclip where they start getting all Victor/Victoria.
** Fun link #2 with a cute Sing-a-long vidclip.


Spring has very much sprung.

How do I know?

Well, snow fell yesterday and while it brought a smile to my face, it did not accumulate (the snow, not my smile) but it did not fill me with that overwhelming sense of joy and delirium that snow would typically. Hence I am anticipating warmer weather... Sun shining, grass greening, flowers flowering. Most importantly Terasse season.

So I'll say "au revoir à la neige" and "bonjour au soleil"

Mojito Season is about to begin!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Get outta my head!

I've mentioned to N@ on a few occasions, that I have a habit of waking in the morning with obscure music in my head. Generally the way to rid myself of those songs is have her play them on the Nooner... but that doesn't always work, because:

a) it's not from the 80's or 90's
b) They don't have that song
c) They already played that song this week

Well this time it's definitely an a-thing.

I woke up YESTERDAY singing the theme song to Green Acres... and since I've not been able to pass this one off on N@ and the Nooner... here I am more than 24 hours later and I'm STILL singing (in my head) Green Acres...


Green acres is the place for me.
Farm livin' is the life for me.
Land spreadin' out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

New York is where I'd rather stay.
I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.
Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue.

...The chores.
...The stores.
...Fresh air.
...Times Square .

You are my wife.
Good bye, city life.
Green Acres we are there.


Dear god... kill me now...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Exit, stage left - 'Adam and Leave'

No surprises here.

Just as god ordained it...

Adam, you were rude, obnoxious and a terrible dancer. Consider joining the circus as a unicyclist though, that was about the only thing you did that impressed me!

Julianne... sad to see you go. Hopefully at least we'll see you in a few of the special dances with the guest singers on future Results Shows.

It ain't over...

...til the fat big Lady Girl sings dances.*

So tonight's dances were overall rather good -unicycles aside. There was a near perfect dance; that of Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas. They ended up this evening tied in first with Jason Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska. The difference being that Kristi and Mark DESERVED their two 10's, whereas Jason and Edyta stole theirs.

Not once, but twice, Jason completely stumbled, tripping over himself. In fact the judges ALL commented on it, and yet skank judge #1 Carrie Ann and skank judge #2 Bruno both said that they'd overlook the stumbles because the dance was so amazing, giving perfect scores. (The dance was NOT that great, they'd both done better as far as I'm concerned). When Priscilla & Louis' dance contained a lift the skank-judges were both there ready to pounce and scold and announce they'd be taking off marks and they did just that.

It's nice to see such impartial judging.

Look, I'm not saying that Dancing with the Stars is such a serious show, with ramification that affect the world in which we live, but I dislike the judges' shallowness. When I vote for someone or go on, waxing poetic on a couple's dance it's because I was impressed, because you could tell they did a great job, worked hard and the dance was clean. I'm not above praising the teams I personally am not a fan of when they do a great job, and not above criticizing the teams I DO like when they do a bad job. Either way I don't pretend to not see something that was there.

Then again, Carrie Ann makes no allusions about the fact that she goes gaga for the better looking men and swoons over them, often giving better marks than deserved. But to comment how a couple tripped up twice, -very badly I might add- and then give them a 10, when only moments before being so emotionally wrapped up in Marlee & Fabian's waltz, that Carrie Ann admitted brought to tears and then give them only an 8?!?! Skank Judge is on my list. And Bruno, for repeating such a sad display of partial judging, is also on my list.

It makes me wish I could vote for the team I want off the show instead of being able to vote for the team you want to see continue. And yes, even as bad as Adam Carolla is... he doesn't pretend to be anything better than he is, while at the same time having a good time.

The only thing more pathetic than the marks given by Skank Judges #1 and #2 were how accepting and deserving both Jason & Edyta acted. If I were them I'd have just said Thanks and be done with it. And I'd have looked damned embarrassed too!

Dare I wish a wish, dream a dream, and see America right this wrong.
...yea... that's ain't gonna happen. Carolla is going home tonight.

At any rate, Jason, Edyta, Carria Ann, Bruno...

It ain't over.


* No disrespect to Marissa... I just needed a good title for the post and well... she was the last to dance. :-)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Moses or NRA?

How do you remember Charlton Heston?

As Moses.. leading the chosen people out of bondage...

or as the President of National Rifle Association?

It's a tough call ain't it!? Two, so VERY different faces of the same man.

Watching the Ten Commandments is just something you do on Easter Weekend. I cannot imagine Easter without Chocolate or Charlton Heston as Moses. There's just something about that so, so, so very over the top epic. and even as much as I deplored his stance as president of the NRA. I'll write off the whole NRA thing to senility...

Me, I'm gonna remember him as Moses.

And lest we forget...
Planet of the Apes.
El Cid.
Airport 1975.

Soylent Green.
and my B-Classic fav...
...Omega Man.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Exit, stage left - Guten Nacht, Guttenberg.

Steve Guttenberg, we hardly knew ye.

I was a little surprised and saddened to see him go. By no means the best male dancer, but for certain the most committed and in the true spirit of the show... Personally I'd have much preferred to see Adam Carolla or Christian de la Fuente or Mario leave.

I AM glad that Marissa is safe for another week, along with Priscilla, Shannon and Marlee. And I'm gonna draw my line in the sand and say that while Marissa and Tony are my fun team (and fall backs. heh), I am picking Marlee and Fabian as MY Team.

And Kylie Freakin-FAB-U-LOUS Minogue! WOW-WEE-WOW-WOW! She was just so kitten-with-a-whip.

And what about their April Fool's Day skit on what they do in their free time?! And the MANbo. FUN-KNEE!

white rabid


...yet again, another of the accidental finds using Google Image Search.

I know it's wrong and I should be disturbed, but oddly... not. In actual fact, a little aroused... *blush*