Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Prayer Vigil at the Temple of St-Porcelaina

I'm not sure what I did to deserve the past 24 hours, but I need to check my Karma Account, cause apparently I've done something NASTY, or otherwise pissed off someone big. Although, truth be told I'm gonna blame the cafeteria at my office.

Last Friday at lunch (noontime) about 30 mins after I ate, I basically passed out at my desk, and when I awoke about 30 mins later I had severe chills and was sweating bullets. By 2 pm I was feeling very woozy and my balance was on the way out. My boss gave me a lift to the Metro and I was on my way home. I actually fell asleep in the metro (well, 'fell asleep' or 'passed out'... it's a fine line) . Fortunately I awoke only one station past where I should have exited and so I was soon home. I passed out on the sofa, (for reals. p.a.s.s.e.d. o.u.t.) and was only awaken when my man got home.

As I felt fine when I woke up I thought nothing more of it... that was until last night...

At about 8 o'clock I was feeling that wooziness return and felt a distinct rumbling in mah belleh... By 8:30 o'clock I was well seated on the throne and was making return visits every 20 or so minutes. At 10, my man was getting ready for bed, and then it hit. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom and yelled at Didier that I was gonna be sick, and to get outta the way. And with not a moment to spare I was in full prayer position: kneeling in front of the Alter of American Standard, head in the offertory bowl... and I was offering... offering a-plenty.

Ten minutes later I was feeling well and truly evacuated and now had full on chills and the shakes. Didier got me to bed and once he added 2 extra blankets, doubled up, on my side of the bed, I did what was coming naturally to me... passed out.

MIDNIGHT! Eyes bugged open, my right leg in agony with a muscle cramp the size of Smart Car. The pain seared through me and in my attempts to relieve the cramp, my stomach decided this was an opportune time to decide it was in need of some more of that old time relegion... And so with a full on Charlie horse, I hobbled to church and again prostrate in front of the alter I made more offerings to St-Porcelaina -that bitch!

Back to bed I hobbled now not only with severe pain in my right calf , but again with the cold sweats. I didn't actually sleep more than a couple minutes here or there, because either the pain in my leg, or now in my rib cage from all the violent retching, or the chills, or the fear that I was going to be ill again; I tossed and turned until 2:15am when I heard the call to prayer again.

And then, yay me, once more at 3:45, I was in some inexplicable need to get my prayer on and for the forth time that night. At this point I was begging any god that would listen to put me out of my misery. I guess because all I could offer up at this point was water (that I'd be desperately trying to consume to begin re-hydration) and one Tylenol to help ease all the pains, that some god, some where, heard my pleas. I collapsed on the bed and by about 4:30 or so I think I fell asleep.

The alarm went at it's usual 6:50 and I hobbled like the retched refuse that I had become, called the office, said there was no way in hell I was gonna be able to make it to work, and went back to bed.

Awaking at 11, my body was wracked and twisted. My right calf and my rib cage, and now for some inexplicable reason my feet, felt like they really didn't care for me and were going to do all within their ability to make today a painful living hell. I've never felt so empty. So devoid of anything on my inside.

It's going on 3:30 in the afternoon and all I've been able to consume is 2 bananas and water, losts and lots of water and a Gatorade. I think on the water front I must have drunk close to the volume of 3 of the 5 great lakes. (If there are any news reports tonight about drastic drops in the water level, you know what's to blame)

All I want to do is sleep.

- - - - -

The moral to this heinously descriptive tale of woe... As of tomorrow, I am packing a lunch to work.

18 comments:

Newsguy Bob said...

Not be alarmist or Mother Hen or anything, but isn't a visit to le médecin in order?

Misster Kitty said...

Well yes and no. I mean if this happens again I'm just gonna go to Emergency. But I HATE running to the Dr every little time something goes wrong. In retrospect I guess around 3:45 this morning it might have been a good idea, but, well, that was then, this is now.

We'll see how the next week goes with no Cafeteria food.

And at any rate I gots me an appointment for my annual check up on May 15...

But thanks for the concern NewsGuyMa heh

N@ Lauzon said...

OH nooooooooooooo!!!!
I hope you feel better!! Tylenol is a dream for the chills. Might I just add, at least when you are sick you've still got the funny.
xoox!!

Misster Kitty said...

Tanks N@ters.

I'm hobbling along... Still trying to fill my insides back up. (and hoping to stay filled up)

Been resting and watching my fav nasty ladies on DVD, Kathy Griffin, Wanda Sykes, Alex Borstein and a little of the M'Cho. They always make me feels better... Hmmmmmm now isn't THAT a line up for the Vayjayjay Monologues...

Newsguy Bob said...

Man, for a gay guy, you're sure one dumb macho dude. Like most of our gender, you're reluctant to see the doctor unless you're pukin' out your eye sockets. A lotta epitaphs could say "Maybe I shoulda seen the doctor".
And don't worry what bitchy old Nurse Ratched might say. You don't just have a booboo or a runny nose. Dood, them's serious symptoms you describe above.
Unless, of course, you're a real Drama Queen, and the old Jewish lady inside you is embellishing just a titch.
Still, get serious about this, will ya?

Misster Kitty said...

*giggle* NGB said I was Macho!

I just can't rationalize waiting in a clinic for 3-4+ hours only to be told I've got a case of food poisoning and that I should just get some bed rest and drink lots of fluids... I won't wait til my eye balls are swaying in the wind, but I've got to be practical, one night of vomiting and diarrhoea, no matter how heinous, is not enough to make me see a Dr.

But, just so we're clear, and you're all witness... If I have any further bouts of overt porcelain worship, I will go, post hast to a Doctor

Misster Kitty said...

and ps I assure you I did not embellish... in fact I left out all the mundane false alarms, the falling asleep on the alter, and a shart... 'cause, well... TMI.

Cheryl (a.k.a Sherri, and vice-versa) said...

I am both repulsed and amused by your tale! I had something similar last year, which involved having to make a decision over which orifice to place over the altar. Spent a lot of time cleaning the bathroom.

Hope your bug doesn't re-bite.

JB said...

There are a couple of nasty influenza strains currently making the rounds. Don't wait too long. Seriously.

Ma Horton said...

Oh baby as much as I lub you puleeze don't give Ma the nasties . Hope your orifices are better soon .

Newsguy Bob said...

Okay, the splats and the spews are one thing -- okay, TWO things. But what's with the leg pain, etc.?

Don't forget: Ma's in Montreal right now, and if she agrees with me, she just might come and kick your ass all the way to le médecin.

Hugs,
NGB

Ma Horton said...

C'est vrai .

Misster Kitty said...

PLEASE! She's already got stability issues of her own...

Although... maybe we could have a double date at the ER... I'll bring the plasma...

TICKLEBEAR said...

on the good side:
if it had been food poisoning, you would have reacted more immediatly, like 15-30 minutes after eating...but i don't think it would have gone on for days...
on the bad side:
those cramps, be it on the right side, still cause me concerns, unknown, but still...
get your ass to the doc, NOW!!
on the other hand, i have another theory: you've been invested of a mission of biblical proportion!!
with all of that water you've been drinking, you've probably saved many areas in the region of impending floods. you should be getting a medal for this...
:D~

Misster Kitty said...

the cramps on the right leg are regular I suffer from them often low potassium dontcha know... the pain on my ribcage on the right... only now when I laugh, so please no funny here today people...

John said...

Poor Kitty. : (

You have my deepest sympathy. Those symtoms are shitty. (if you'll pardon the pun.)

Maria said...

ohhhhhhhhh I sure hope your feeling better. Sorry been crazy busy plus my daughter was not feeling well the other day and so the story goes about a working mama.

Be good and get your ass to a doctor if your still not feeling well.

Filakia,
Mary

Misster Kitty said...

Doing much better now thanks! two whole days with solid foods! I'm a big kid now!
:-)

and uh... Filakia to you too!
:-)