Prayer Vigil at the Temple of St-Porcelaina

I'm not sure what I did to deserve the past 24 hours, but I need to check my Karma Account, cause apparently I've done something NASTY, or otherwise pissed off someone big. Although, truth be told I'm gonna blame the cafeteria at my office.

Last Friday at lunch (noontime) about 30 mins after I ate, I basically passed out at my desk, and when I awoke about 30 mins later I had severe chills and was sweating bullets. By 2 pm I was feeling very woozy and my balance was on the way out. My boss gave me a lift to the Metro and I was on my way home. I actually fell asleep in the metro (well, 'fell asleep' or 'passed out'... it's a fine line) . Fortunately I awoke only one station past where I should have exited and so I was soon home. I passed out on the sofa, (for reals. p.a.s.s.e.d. o.u.t.) and was only awaken when my man got home.

As I felt fine when I woke up I thought nothing more of it... that was until last night...

At about 8 o'clock I was feeling that wooziness return and felt a distinct rumbling in mah belleh... By 8:30 o'clock I was well seated on the throne and was making return visits every 20 or so minutes. At 10, my man was getting ready for bed, and then it hit. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom and yelled at Didier that I was gonna be sick, and to get outta the way. And with not a moment to spare I was in full prayer position: kneeling in front of the Alter of American Standard, head in the offertory bowl... and I was offering... offering a-plenty.

Ten minutes later I was feeling well and truly evacuated and now had full on chills and the shakes. Didier got me to bed and once he added 2 extra blankets, doubled up, on my side of the bed, I did what was coming naturally to me... passed out.

MIDNIGHT! Eyes bugged open, my right leg in agony with a muscle cramp the size of Smart Car. The pain seared through me and in my attempts to relieve the cramp, my stomach decided this was an opportune time to decide it was in need of some more of that old time relegion... And so with a full on Charlie horse, I hobbled to church and again prostrate in front of the alter I made more offerings to St-Porcelaina -that bitch!

Back to bed I hobbled now not only with severe pain in my right calf , but again with the cold sweats. I didn't actually sleep more than a couple minutes here or there, because either the pain in my leg, or now in my rib cage from all the violent retching, or the chills, or the fear that I was going to be ill again; I tossed and turned until 2:15am when I heard the call to prayer again.

And then, yay me, once more at 3:45, I was in some inexplicable need to get my prayer on and for the forth time that night. At this point I was begging any god that would listen to put me out of my misery. I guess because all I could offer up at this point was water (that I'd be desperately trying to consume to begin re-hydration) and one Tylenol to help ease all the pains, that some god, some where, heard my pleas. I collapsed on the bed and by about 4:30 or so I think I fell asleep.

The alarm went at it's usual 6:50 and I hobbled like the retched refuse that I had become, called the office, said there was no way in hell I was gonna be able to make it to work, and went back to bed.

Awaking at 11, my body was wracked and twisted. My right calf and my rib cage, and now for some inexplicable reason my feet, felt like they really didn't care for me and were going to do all within their ability to make today a painful living hell. I've never felt so empty. So devoid of anything on my inside.

It's going on 3:30 in the afternoon and all I've been able to consume is 2 bananas and water, losts and lots of water and a Gatorade. I think on the water front I must have drunk close to the volume of 3 of the 5 great lakes. (If there are any news reports tonight about drastic drops in the water level, you know what's to blame)

All I want to do is sleep.

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The moral to this heinously descriptive tale of woe... As of tomorrow, I am packing a lunch to work.