Dear 'Yes to Prop 8' Californians...

FUCK YOU.

EAT SHIT AND DIE.

BURN IN HELL.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Sincerely,

Misster-Kitty

Why is Kitty Pissed? read here.

Dear America...

Don't cock it up for another four years!

Thanks in advance,

Misster-Kitty, Canada and the rest of the World

- - - - -

ps. In a current poll conducted by CTV NEWS:

Who do you think will win the U.S. presidential election?

Barack Obama 15789 votes (83%)

John McCain 3325 votes (17%)

Total Votes: 19114

Dear Carrie Ann and Bruno... part two (the bitch is back)

Apparently I was not clear the other week in my letter to the two of you. I'm not sure how I could possibly be any clearer than:
"Please.
Shut.
The.
Fuck.
Up."

I can only guess that it was the politeness of my request. The word 'please' I guess, was rather confusing to the two of you. So, with that in mind, allow me to be a little more direct...

Hey fucktards skank judges. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up now. Shut the fuck up tomorrow night. Shut the fuck up next week. Shut the fuck up next season. Just, Shut the fuck up.

You're as useful as tits on a bull. You're phenomenally rude, consistently reward poor performances and have your smoke blowing lips so far up the pretty people's asses that it looks like the dancers are blowing smoke rings outta their own lips.

Giving Christian scores of 10 is just truly beyond the pale. You pathetic lame ass, douchenozzle asstards. Yes, he did well and deserved a bit of praise for continuing because of his injury, but those dances were not perfect, with or without an injured arm. And to try and state as you did, on live international TV that it "didn't show" only makes you look like the fuckity ducks that you are. Just like how Priscilla Presley's facial expressions were "remarkable"... She's only got one fucking expression and that's "Dude! What the fuck?! Help me, my face is fucking frozen."

...which brings me back to you: Skankalina and Skankisimo...

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

DROP THE FUCK DEAD.

DIE ALREADY.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

DIE DIE DIE!

Thanking you in advance,

Misster-Kitty.

PS, since I already know that my aforementioned requests will be ignored, here's a thought... maybe you two could let Len finish ONE critique without interrupting him. Huh? Coulda? Maybe? huh?

Dear Carrie Ann and Bruno...

Please.
Shut.
The.
Fuck.
Up.

Carrie Ann, to quote Connie (from Connie and Carla *)...
"Shut up, shut up, shut up! Your voice is giving me Mono!"

Bruno, to quote Connie (also from Connie and Carla **)...
"Carla Bruno, calm down. Your voice is giving me cramps."

If the two of you could kindly just go off somewhere and conveniently die, and leave Len to offer accurate, clear and concise critiques, comments and recommendations, not only would the dancers benefit, but so too would all the viewers (in-studio as well as those at home) by being spared your incessant, obnoxious, rude and generally inaccurate assessments of the dances.

Love you, mean it,
Misster-Kitty.

ps: Bruno, could ya maybe ask one of the hair and make-up people to run a brush through that rat's nest of yours?

pps: Seriously, Carrie Ann, keep it in your pants.
Tramp.

- - - - -

* Fun link #1 A vidclip where they start getting all Victor/Victoria.

** Fun link #2 with a cute Sing-a-long vidclip.

Dear Heather

Suck it up, buttercup.

Take the 25 MILLION Pounds (33 Million Euro, 50 Million Dollars) be grateful, and move the *bleep* on.

I'd have been MORE than happy to get boned by an ex-Beatle for 5 years and come out of it with that kind of cha-ching, been more gracious, and spent far less time crying to the media about it... but then I guess I'm just more of a Lady than you are.

Bitch, please.

Not impressed,
Misster-Kitty

Dear Health Canada...

FUCK YOU!

They (Health Canada) have decided that ANY man that has had sex with another man in the 'past five years' is not eligible to donate their organs here in Canada. The list also includes IV drug users and and 'other high risk groups'. It seems that, as it is with blood donations, simply being a gay man means you're tainted. Diseased. Infected.

It still seems that heterosexuals NEVER practise unsafe sex, that they NEVER contract HIV/AIDS... except for that % of their population that really isn't 'straight' at all and has occasional and statistically a higher rate of unprotected same-sex sex. That lie to their opposite sex partners and put them at risk every single day. And those are REALLY the types that would honestly answer yes to engaging in homosexual activity if asked by a heath care professional. But then there's really nothing to worry about because these people don't really exist.

When will this antiquated, irresponsible, and totally unrealistic segregation stop? What's next? Denial of blood and organ donations TO homosexuals IV drug users and and 'other high risk groups'. I mean hey... since they can't GIVE blood or organs, why should they be allowed to RECEIVE them.

FUCK YOU!

Yea I pissed.

FUCK YOU Health Canada and FUCK YOU to the Canadian Blood Services and Héma-Québec too!

You know, part of me wishes I had a VERY rare blood type that was highly sought out, and then that someone high in the upper echelons of any of those well meaning public services mentioned above sorely needed, or one of their loved ones desperately needed a blood or an organ donation that matched my blood type, and then we'd see what special exceptions would be made... but then of course I'd gladly do what I could, because I'm not the small sighted, backward, homophobic, dumb fuck that equates a gay man to automatically being someone that is diseased, unworthy or unacceptable simply because who he sleeps with.

FUCK YOU.

Yes I'll say it again...

FUCK.
YOU.

Assholes.

Lovingly yours,
Misster-Kitty

Dear Blonde Bitch (in the office)...

Dear Blonde Bitch.

(You know who you are. )

I'm done.

Look, I know there are over 400 people in our offices, and I don't expect you to carry on any length conversations with me in the halls as we walk past each other, but for fuck's sake, is it so hard to smile back when a person smiles at you? Or say 'Hello', or 'Hi', or 'Nice day' or "Mondays, eh?' with an ironic tone... No it isn't difficult and everyone else in the goddamned office seems capable of such benign and simple, almost instinctual niceties. It's called being polite. Look it up in the fucking dictionary.

I swear, today was the last time I attempt to be polite as I we cross paths in the hallway. I've tried all manner of polite inter office small talk and causal greetings as we pass each other. Everything from a smile to a nod, to saying: Hello", "Hi", "Bonjour", "Good morning", "Salut", "Nice day", "Bon Appetit" (as you walk past with your tray of food from the cafeteria), "Good evening" even "Have a nice weekend" and "Bon fin de semaine". See, I don't even know if you're English or French, because YOU DON'T FUCKING TALK. AT ALL. Indeed I'd have attempted conversation in any other myriad of language if I though you'd have had the common decency to respond.

But no. What have I gotten back from you? Generally a lack of any acknowledgement that I'm even there. And sometimes that stupid scrunched up face you make, like someone just farted in your face. Well you know what... I'm not ruling it out at this point.

You know what else? I asked around to see if anyone else got the same bitch-vibe from you and, no surprises here, everyone knew EXACTLY who I was talking about. "The Blonde Bitch" Oh yea, that's the name we have for you. Totally fitting, if by "Blonde" we actually meant "Cheap Bottle Blonde with Roots about 5 weeks past touch up".

It's amazing really... you are THE only person that thinks they are beyond such a simply polite gesture. Every other person I walk past, be it once a week, once a day or once an hour will at least make eye contact, smile. Hell I get more of a conversation from the cleaning staff and one of them only speaks Spanish, but at least we manage "hola" or "adiós" Christ! I pass the god-damned vice-president of our company a couple times a week, and he ALWAYS has the time and the common sense to smile, or say hello, or ask how everything's going.

And yea, I know he doesn't know my name, how long I've worked with the company, or likely what department I'm in, but he still makes the effort. And you know why? because he's a decent human being. He's just like everyone else. He puts his pants on one leg at a time. And he takes a shit just like everyone else... one turd at a time. Just. Like. You. Too.

And speaking of shit. So help me, if you don't cut out making the scrunched up face you make when you pass people, as if they smell like shit, I'm gonna slap it right off for you.

Oh, and while I'm at it... you're about 15 years past being able to wear those short skirts you wear, without making you look like a cheap tramp.

In conclusion, fuck you, 'Blonde' Bitch.
Fuck you.

Good day.

Dear James

You depressing, moaning Brit.
You can't rhyme for shit.

See that?
Right there?

Shit and Brit R-H-Y-M-E.

Sure I know you don't HAVE to make words rhyme to write a great song, nor will it make or break your career... but I guess, I just expected more from you.

For the record...

Simona does not rhyme with Older.

(no matter how poorly you pronounce BOTH words)

Been does not rhyme with Skin.

Simona also does not rhyme with This.

Strong does not rhyme with Gone.

(Close. But close only counts in Horse-Shoes and Hand-Grenades)

*we not interrupt this rant for to dispense a kudo*

Night DOES rhyme with Light.

(It had to happen eventually...)

*And now back to our regularly scheduled rant*

Simona also does not rhyme with Sober.

(...but they do both start with an S... so, good for you!)

Now does not rhyme with Gone.

...and finally Simona also does not rhyme with Over.

And what sort of name is Simona anyway?!?! I know people named Simon and Simone, but Simona?!?! Nope, never met a Simona in my life...

Nice way to TRY and make a name rhyme with another word. You tried to rhyme Simona four times, and in every attempt failed. Hell, even when Dr Suess makes up a word it still actually rhymes with a real word... "

Yours truly,

Misster-Witty-Kitty

ps. See... I just did it again!