Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Dear Blonde Bitch (in the office)...

Dear Blonde Bitch.

(You know who you are. )
I'm done.

Look, I know there are over 400 people in our offices, and I don't expect you to carry on any length conversations with me in the halls as we walk past each other, but for fuck's sake, is it so hard to smile back when a person smiles at you? Or say 'Hello', or 'Hi', or 'Nice day' or "Mondays, eh?' with an ironic tone... No it isn't difficult and everyone else in the goddamned office seems capable of such benign and simple, almost instinctual niceties. It's called being polite. Look it up in the fucking dictionary.

I swear, today was the last time I attempt to be polite as I we cross paths in the hallway. I've tried all manner of polite inter office small talk and causal greetings as we pass each other. Everything from a smile to a nod, to saying: Hello", "Hi", "Bonjour", "Good morning", "Salut", "Nice day", "Bon Appetit" (as you walk past with your tray of food from the cafeteria), "Good evening" even "Have a nice weekend" and "Bon fin de semaine". See, I don't even know if you're English or French, because YOU DON'T FUCKING TALK. AT ALL. Indeed I'd have attempted conversation in any other myriad of language if I though you'd have had the common decency to respond.

But no. What have I gotten back from you? Generally a lack of any acknowledgement that I'm even there. And sometimes that stupid scrunched up face you make, like someone just farted in your face. Well you know what... I'm not ruling it out at this point.

You know what else? I asked around to see if anyone else got the same bitch-vibe from you and, no surprises here, everyone knew EXACTLY who I was talking about. "The Blonde Bitch" Oh yea, that's the name we have for you. Totally fitting, if by "Blonde" we actually meant "Cheap Bottle Blonde with Roots about 5 weeks past touch up".

It's amazing really... you are THE only person that thinks they are beyond such a simply polite gesture. Every other person I walk past, be it once a week, once a day or once an hour will at least make eye contact, smile. Hell I get more of a conversation from the cleaning staff and one of them only speaks Spanish, but at least we manage "hola" or "adiós" Christ! I pass the god-damned vice-president of our company a couple times a week, and he ALWAYS has the time and the common sense to smile, or say hello, or ask how everything's going.

And yea, I know he doesn't know my name, how long I've worked with the company, or likely what department I'm in, but he still makes the effort. And you know why? because he's a decent human being. He's just like everyone else. He puts his pants on one leg at a time. And he takes a shit just like everyone else... one turd at a time. Just. Like. You. Too.

And speaking of shit. So help me, if you don't cut out making the scrunched up face you make when you pass people, as if they smell like shit, I'm gonna slap it right off for you.

Oh, and while I'm at it... you're about 15 years past being able to wear those short skirts you wear, without making you look like a cheap tramp.

In conclusion, fuck you, 'Blonde' Bitch.
Fuck you.

Good day.

12 comments:

N@ Lauzon said...

I LOVE THIS POST!
It makes me mad too. I know people like that.

GROWF.

Misster Kitty said...

And the thing is, I've tried creating excuses for her... you know...
bad day,
broke up with bf,
divorcing husband,
death in the family,
paper cut,
wet slippers,
Céline Dion song on the radio...

You know, all the big ones...

But after 15 months I realizes that she's just a B.I.T.C.H.

TICKLEBEAR said...

now that you've said it,
just move on.
no need to hurt yourself with this.
i think you've been persistent enough to make contact,
it's just not happening in this lifetime. just one of those things, you know...
as for myself, been working at the labs since feb 2003, & there's a woman there that still has to even acknowledge my existence on this earth... i'm speaking of total dismissal. & i had the misfortune to ask her a question twice, directly, & the level of stupidity & rudeness of her answers qualified her to be dismissed as well from my world...
as i've been off work since july, & i write this, i can honestly say i don't even rememeber her name. how's that for a total wipe.
so, you're blonde friend should not even exist, as far as you're concern. why bring a frown on your brow??? you don't need the aggravation. if you need to notice her, just find it funny how predictable her actions are, but don't make her the topic of any conversation, she's toxic (to you, at least). ain't worth your time.
stick to those who care about you!!

BIGHUGZ2U_BRUNO

URBAN PEDESTRIAN said...

I think she's from Finland. They don't do social interaction there and feel affronted when non-family members address them in public. It's the only explanation for why someone would blank such a friendly, outgoing person such as you.

JB said...

Well, wherever she's from, I've definitely worked with her, too.

One of the things I've noticed (and since you're from the same backyard as I am, we really notice it) since I've moved to Southern Ontario is you can't just smile and say hello to just anyone when you catch their eye, because they'll just shun you, as if you're some kind of freak for wanting to actually communicate in a positive way with another human. I find it very disheartening that people can be like this.

URBAN PEDESTRIAN said...

Oh my, JB - You really are in a blue funk lately, aren't you? There are lots of friendly folk in Ontario, too & in Quebec, n'est ce pas, Kitty?

Newsguy Bob said...

Meeeeerrrrrrrrrrowwwwwwwwwwwww! Blonde bitch picked the wrong kitty to get into a catfight with. Good on ya, Kitty.

Although, I once worked with a Blonde Bitch who would acknowledge you and play all nicey-nicey to your face, while plunging the knife into your back. She tried repeatedly to get me fired, but had no logical backing to accomplish that, and got fired first.
Fate and revenge are sweet, Bitch.

Maria said...

OK I am gonna make this short cause its $0.75 per minute on the cruise ship. I know you mentioned all the hits you got from different parts of the world but hey I am smack in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean cruising back to Port Canaveral on The Carnival Glory and thought I would add ME to your HIT repertoire...

Ciao

Misster Kitty said...

U-P Findland you say? Well I think I wanna go to Finland now and piss people off!

J-B I toooooooooooooootally know what you're saying... kinda like the first time I jaywalked in Mtl and nearly dies... in Halifax oy just look towards the road and people stop to let you cross.

I've been here for over 16 years and I still don't get the hostil reaction to a smile and a hello... Buncha bitches!

Hey there DubaiGuyBob... shouldn't you be off on some sun drenched beach growing out your back hair? ;-) I love when karma gives the deserving a sleeping bag!

and og WOW! Maria! We were beginning to worry! How's life on the high seas?

Maria said...

I absolutely LOVED that post. I think I worked with that bitch too in my very first office job in 1991. She had that straight haired ugly hairstyle with two pins on each side. The one I used to wear when I was 10.

BTW, maybe someone needs to FART in her face - it might just get a sound out of her. Either way I say its worth a try, and if someone does do it, please call me I would pay good money to see that.

As for life on the high seas... it was amazing... REALLY AMAZING.

fleeb said...

I realize I'm coming in very late to this party, but I can't help but be bemused.

People like your Blonde Bitch provide an opportunity. Since nothing you can say or do will bring a smile to her face, you may as well go for the opposite reaction, and enjoy it.

Ingratiate yourself sarcastically upon her person, as a sycophant to his beloved teacher (except meaning the opposite).

Leave behind a special cloud of funk (as inspired, perhaps, by a bean burrito) as you pass by, and wave it towards her in an obvious fashion.

Ask her the words to various children's tunes. If, by some amazing miracle, she decides to answer, sing a completely different tune.

Ask her a question related to work, like, "Where can I find...", and if she answers, walk away from her in mid-sentence.

Sooo many way to vex people like that.

Misster Kitty said...

Welcome Fleeb.

Don't know who you are, but I SOOOOOOOOOOOOO dig you already. You needz a blog, but good!!!