Wednesday, June 4, 2008

talkin' shit

If there's one thing I cannot abide, it's phones in the washroom or bathroom. And without being TOO repetitive but JE-SUS H. CHRIST... what is with people talking on their cell phones while in a public washroom?!?!

YET again, I was in the multi-throne room doing my 'business' when some asstard came in, entered the stall next to me, unzipped, sat down and dialled his cell phone and began a business conversation. (Worth noting at this point is that it was not the repeat offender, but some other aberration to the gene pool).

It's also worth noting that until he came in, I was having a rather raucous time myself, (Thank you McDo) full of many "musical notes" if you will. Well when he came in I stifled my performance as best as could. I'm a good neighbour. Yes I know, "'everybody poops" and yes, I know, "everybody farts" too, but sometimes you like there to be just a little mystery between you and a complete stranger...

Well, I was so disgusted with one stall over's audacity to call someone to talk business while taking a shit that I stifled no mo'. Yes, that's right, like a tuba solo in a high-school marching band, I let 'er rip! It was like the Battle Hymn of the Republic It was AMAZING... (god love toilet stall acoustics!)

And then do you know what? Shit for brains had the nerve to ask me "Hey, do you mind? Can you keep it down, I'm on the phone here." [I KNOW!] I was so insensed that not only did Misster-Kitty get pissy, but even impressed himself!...

I said, "My bad. What was I thinking? Here I though THIS was the washroom. Next time I need to take a shit I'll head on over to your office, and pinch one out on your desk, since it seems you're not using it for WORK" And then I cut another one, for poetic closure.

No further comments from the pee-nut gallery were voiced. But I did hear him say "I'll call you back" Then he flushed and exited.


21 comments:

Ma Horton said...

Truth or urban legend ? Either or I loved it .

Misster Kitty said...

Hand to god!

I swear the mens washroom in this building is a damn phone booth!

Angry Gnome said...

I am always fascinated by the fact that people can have intense loud conversations on the bus... at 6am... on a Sunday. I don't even know how these people can manage coherent sentences at such an early hour. Also, who is the putz on the other end? Why would they want to receive a phone call at 6am on Sunday. Isn't Sunday a day of rest? I would be pissed if a friend called me at such an hour to chat. I would totally be like "Yeah, WTF? Call me in five hours... Idiot."
I pity no fools. Especially ones that call me early.

Misster Kitty said...

As a rule, we turn off our ringer on Fri and Sat nights when we go to bed.

I also have the no-toidy rule. I don't make phone calls from the crapper and don't want people calling me from there either! (no exceptions)

Angry Gnome said...

Dude, I don't even have a cell phone. I don't like the fact that people think they can contact me 24/7, you know? AG needs AG Alone Time.

Misster Kitty said...

I haven't had a cell since 1999!

Newsguy Bob said...

Kitty: You're hilarious! Good on ya! I bet your Nana is even more proud of you than I am.

It IS a weird feeling when you're making like Elvis on the throne and someone comes into the stall next to you, and the next thing you hear is "Hi, how are ya?" and you think your cubicle neighbour is talking to you! Pardonnez-moi?

I'm with AG, too, except instead of 6am Sunday, I used to wonder about people carrying on telephone conversations on the bus or at a bus stop when I took the late bus home from work (my last connection was at 12:25am). I don't like phoning anyone after 9:30 or 10pm, and ONLY if it's VERY important.

I do own a cellphone, but only for emergencies, and to keep in touch with friends when I'm on vacation at the cottage every summer.

I have a Blackberry a.k.a. Crackberry but refuse to use it for anything but a cell phone. Our boss gave one to each producer at Christmas, setting it up as a Christmas present. I told him then and there that I would only use it as a cell phone, thank you very much, because I already feel chained to work outside of regular hours.
I'm on call Saturday and Sunday evenings, and the little techno-geeks who work with me often call on the Crackberry, even when they know I'm at home. I HAVE A LAND LINE, PEOPLE.

Mitzi said...

I keep one in the car for emergencies only. You can't get any peace anywhere these days, and now the european commission have decided to change it's rules so people will soon be able to use their mobiles phones on planes. Can you imagine the horror? A baby screaming it's head off in front, some youth playing his ipod behind and besides you we have some turd yelling into a mobile phone... YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP I'M ON A PLANE, YES THAT'S RIGHT ON A PLANE,35,000 FT UP AIN'T IT AMAZING.

Mitzi said...

I dislike using word verification too.

Misster Kitty said...

God forbid there's anybody on their cell phone on my flight to Paris next Friday. I'll shove the phone so far down their gullet they'll have to dial through their sphincter!

---

Word verification may be annoying but it sure kuts back the Blog Spam, such as:

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Jerome said...

People talking in the bathroom in general. Drives me nuts. (I know women do it all the time, but men? Not so much.) Talking on the phone. Even worse.

I'm just glad I wasn't in the same bathroom as either of you. Yikes.

UprightGuy said...

FABULOUS!!!!

John said...

Bravo Shawn. Bravo I say.

Newsguy Bob said...

Heh-heh. Kitty said sphincter.

XUP said...

Waaaaaaaaay too much information. And yet, oddly compelling.

TICKLEBEAR said...

more than compelling!!!
M-K, i'm so proud of you!! you should have done a rendition of "god save the queen" or tchaikovski's "1812". that would have taught him a lesson. i wouldn't want to answer a call like that. how rude!!!!!!! good for you. i got a cellphone,
in my drawer, in pieces... (haven't used it since 2003 or 4, i think...) & my landline, as NGB calls it, that thing is mostly unplugged. i let people deal with my voicemail, & when i think (!!!) of checking my messages, i call them back when necessary. there's enough coming in through the beautiful world of the W.W.W., i just can't handle all the crap on the fun (please read here: surveys, telemarketing (!!!!!!),
assholes trying to get inside the building, wrong numbers, & other people whom i just don't want to deal with right away...).
but i'm SO with "jerome" on this: i wouldn't want to go at the same time as you. i'd be like, go, i'll wait half an hour for the toxic level to go down a bit...
just SO NOT scatto...
:D~
anyway, i don't use public washrooms for THAT...

Shirley Heezgay! said...

HA!

My turn!

vous avez été marqués!

Maria said...

OMG I laughed so much at that post that I crapped my pants.

You go Kitty...

Misster Kitty said...

I only use my powers for good... it's likely you were constipated.

No need to thank me.

Scooter said...

Hahahaha! Good for you!

Stephen Rader said...

You, Sir, are my idol!!!! WELL DONE!!!