Monday, November 2, 2009

WRONG!

OK, y'all best enjoy this one bitches!

Tonight, on my commute home I passed not one, but two, count em... TWO houses with their Christmas lights not only on (in one case I firmly believe they were never taken down) but also lit up. Yes Kittens, at least two douche bags in the City of Montréal have turned ON their Exterior Christmas Decorations.

You know me kittens. you KNOW I ***LIVE*** for Christmas... and you KNOW that secretly I've been planning the decoration schemes of my new place since the day I moved in; but people, please... give me a frickin break here... It's just way the fuck too early to be turning on Christmas Lights....

- - - - -

With this in mind, here are Misster-Kitty's Steadfast rules to Christmas:

1) Christmas Music.
Cannot be played until November 25th and no later than January 6th.

2) Christmas Decorations.
Cannot be displayed until December 1st and no later than Jan 6th. With the following exceptions:
2a) Exterior Illuminated Decorations MAY be permitted to be put up during the last week of November due to potential inclement weather in December (those in the south can just effing wait!) but aside from a quick check to ensure all are working, NOTHING is to be illuminated until Dec 1st.
2b) If you're a handicapped individual you may begin Interior Decorations during the last week of November. (Kitty is not a hateful bitch after all)
2c) If your colour scheme on Window, Door and or Exterior illumination is white (ONLY) with, or without a motif of Snowflakes, you are permitted to leave these lights up until the end of January and may at your discretion keep them lit at night... say if you're having a party or there is a fantabulous snow fall taken place at the time.

3) Trees.
3a)
If you have an Artificial Tree (and really, I have to ask, WHY?) you can put it up no earlier than the 7th of December
3b) Natural Trees (you know this is the only REAL option, don't you Kittens) should not be put up any earlier than December 14th
3c) In either case (3a or 3b) the trees MUST be removed by January 6th

4) Office Decorations.
Should only be put up on the First Friday in December and should be timed with the end of the day, so as to be a more pleasant greeting to all on Monday Morning, and should be removed the First business day after New Years Day.

5) Greetings.
You should NEVER feel fear or the potential for recrimination in wishing someone a "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" in mixed company, on the street etc (If Office Protocol stipulates "Season's Greetings", that's fine, but if someone wishes you a Merry Christmas, you should return the greeting!) The only time one should refrain is if you are in a known non-christian location: Synagogue, Temple, Satanic Dungeon (hey it happens to the best of us on occasion... some of us try for at least once a month *cough cough*) At the local Jewish Deli and so on... Come on people share the joy of the season, don't be a douche! If when you greet someone with your most cherrful "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" and they say they are not christian, or do not celebrate Christmas, simple smile and say "Well all the best none the less" (and secretly, flip them the bird!)

6) Festive Holiday Attire.
Should be reserved from the Monday preceding Christmas Day, and may continue until New Years Day. Musical ties for men are NEVER acceptable. Wearing a Santa's hat in place of a tuque or other winter cap or hat IS acceptable, between the Monday Before Christmas and Dec 27th.

Note to Orthodox Christians...
Really? You just HAVE to be different, don't you? Just gotta rock the boat, holiday after holiday... Fine you should shift all specified start and end dates 2 weeks forward.

I hope this helps to clear up and confusion on the subject. If you have any questions please, do not hesitate to ask.

1 comment:

TICKLEBEAR said...

i was reading this & was thinking that you'd have to extend the expiration date, on account of the orthodoxes, & there it is...
so, you've said it all.
good boy!!
:)~