Saturday, February 27, 2010

APOOcolypse Now!

Well to be honest, not just now, but for a week now.

For those of you not on CrapBook let me bring you up to date... Since LAST Saturday afternoon, almost one full week now, I've been pooping up a storm... well I say "pooping" in the looses sense of the term (literally. Pun Intended) Seems I picked meself up a right nasty gastro bug.

It's incredible really. I mean to me it's become staggering, in a week I've gone through a complete 16 rolls of toilet paper!

I took off Monday and Tuesday, because to be frank there was no way I'd have made the hour long commute to work.

By Wednesday, or Day 5 as I call it, I decided that aside from getting a very lard cork there was no stopping me and so I sought out professional help. So I left the house at 8 am and headed to one of the more efficient walk in clinics in the city. It only took two hours to see the Doctor (and only 3 trips to the VERY public washrooms)

It's not an easy thing to talk face to face with a complete stranger and detail the rather colourful and embarrassing events of the past few days but as I was really more than ready to be done and over with the soup factory I'd become that I didn't really care.

After some poking and prodding, his concern was no so much something viral but something internal and so off to the Emergency for a 'scan' I was sent. Sill me I thought it would be something like an ultra sound...

By 11:20 AM I get to the Emerg but even with the Dr's requisition I still have to be put through the system...

Triage and Registration take an hour. And when I get to the waiting room (after a deposit at the Porcelain Bank) my hopes are not doing well, the room is FULL. Magically a mere 10 minutes later I hear "Mr Ellis, Room Six. Ellis. Room Six." Am I delirious? Am I so dehydrated that I'm imagining this?

It's approximately 12:30PM as I enter room Six. The first thing I see is that it has an en suite washroom... the second thing I see is that this is the Gyno examining room... but seeing as it's got it's only toilet I don't care so much.

The Doctor is a pro. She strides into the room and opens with "So you're having a pretty shitty week I hear?..." I like her. I like her alot! After 30 minutes of talking she rattles off a list of "what we're gonna be doing": a culture smear (yea I;d never heard of that before), blood work, stool samples and the aforementioned scan. She explains that this is a CT scan (in my head all I'm thinking is "I have diarrhea... DIHARHEA!?!?! what the hell?!")

She leaves and I'm left in near silence for the next 30 mins. Then the first of what I seem to recall as 4 nurses arrived. Arrived with a tray of needles and vials. After seven, yes SEVEN attempts at drawing blood (five in the arm and twice in my hand) she admits defeat and says she'll send another nurse to get my blood. "Thank you nurse Ratchet" I think and drop back onto the strecher.

20 mins later another nurse arrives with a liter bottle of some Spanish inquisition type beverage that I am to consume. "It doesn't taste all that good, so I've been told. Sorry. I'll be back in ten minutes to see how you're doing" And she was right it DID NOT taste good at all. Sweet and sour at the same time, with none of the deliciousness of a chinese feast. Oh! and it has the consistency of dish soap.

as I'm drinking this the third nurse arrives to get me blood... and guess what? yup! she fails as well... three more attempts. It is concluded that due to my dehydration my veins have collapsed a little. Lovely. But, BUT... they have to get an IV into so she keeps spearing me. On the 12th attempt she is able to get a vein and takes my blood and inserts an IV and then Nurse Two returns with a toilet on wheels and asks me to provide a "sample". "Not a problem" I say...

But it is a problem. Because I've not eaten since the night before there is nothing left inside of me, and because I'm so dehydrated I have nothing left. I am literally Empty. This is where the Culture smear comes in. The Doctor returns, with a latexed hand, she says "Roll over and push." And She's in. I reply "What? No Dinner? No Movie?" Then she says we really still need some samples, give it another try..."

Anybody (other than TB probably) know what colour human bile is. I do. It's actually a rather nice shade of green.

Finally some rest. I'm alone in the room until 5:00 PM. I'm told that I have to be moved and I'm taken to the over-flow / nut-job area... basically a locked corridor between Emergency and the rest of the hospital, but they give me a nice easy chair and park me next to the washroom. I make a couple of phone calls (Work, Pinky) and then return to my chair. Fortunately I've had my iTouch and have had soothing music and games to occupy my time... but the battery is almost out. Being the savvy man that I am I've brought my charger cord with me and lo, there is a power outlet right beside the chair. This day is starting to turn around.

At 6:15 PM, with my IV done, I'm escorted to the Scanning room. They set me up and hook the IV intake to what they tell me is an Iodine Injector. Sounds lovely, no? The tech informs me that there will be a slight discomfort when the injector starts. And she's right, IF by "slight discomfort" she meant a "seething electrical type shock with an accompanying burning sensation going up your arm" Fortunately it only lasts 5 or so seconds and the whole scanning process is only about 3 minutes.

Back to my arm chair, it's now 7 Pm and I spot Pinky's face in the waiting room. I call him into the hallway I'm with. This is when i notice the caution sign attached to the curtain by my chair. Seems I'm still high risk and that I realize is the reason I was separated from the rest of the herd. I feel proud.

Bless his heart, Pinky came directly from work and has been looking for me in the waiting room just after I was taken for the scan, but he waited (like the name of the room suggests) for me. and continued to stay with me through the evening. Making me laugh (which was needed because to tell you the truth, while I like being by myself and require "me time" this is not the sort of time you like being alone.

At 10:15 PM The radiologist comes by and confirms that everything is "clean inside". (No Shit! I think... - oh wait, that's like a double double entendre...)

By 11:00 PM I'm exhausted and just wanna go home. The Doctor - another Doctor actually. A Cute, handsome McSteamy Doctor arrives. Asks me all the same questions I've been asked at least three times already throughout the day, and it's deemed "a nasty viral bug" We talk about possible causes and treatments and decide that letting it 'run it's course' (again pun intended), Provided," i say, "that you give me a note excusing me from work". He writes me a note, having me off work til next Wednesday, allowing time for things to pass and then, 'firm up'.

We leave the Hospital at 11:30 and I get home a little after midnight....

And here Three days later, things ARE beginning to firm up. GOD I still wish i know where and wow I picked this bug up, because to tell you I DO NOT want to go through this again...

... on the plus side I'm down a few pounds, so it's not been a complete waste of time! lol


8 comments:

Leonard said...

Wow, that is such an intimate post. I'm not sure I could do the same, well I hope you are feeling better and this bug passes!

Misster Kitty said...

Honestly after talking about it face to face to three Doctors, countless nurses and techs, it's a total piece of cake to type about it...

And yea, doing a lot better this evening... thanks

TICKLEBEAR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TICKLEBEAR said...

OH,
TB has seen the whole rainbow of colors the human body can produce, the WHOLE rainbow, and it ain't pretty.

yup!!
the bug is going around..
dunno where you picked it up but my only advice is to carry purel with you.
as you leave home, aplly some, as you'll touch door handles and bars in the subway, then the bus...
you go to your office washroom? apply some. wash your hands when you're done [obviously], and apply some more purel. if your phone can be used by others, a kleenex and some purel there too. somebody's got the bug and is not washing their hands properly, if at all, spreading it.
people have to be careful. you people have no idea how many people are amongst you, carrying stuff... because you're "healthy", you're supposed to be resilient, but it doesn't change the fact those people are loose...

amn,
hearing about this makes me somewhat happy i'm not working at the ER anymore...
only somewhat as i still miss working with people. it was my calling. but since 2003, working at the labs as proven detrimental as i am no longer immune to B.O. .
when i go from one pavillion to the other, i pass by the ER waiting room, and i can tell now without even looking if there's a homeless one in the room...
and my sense of smell was never that good!!!
i guess it would take some getting used to again...

hoping you'll feel better soon!!
need i say you need to stay away from dairies??...

:D~
HUGZ

Misster Kitty said...

I actually am a fan of the Purell but some times you miss a wash... I'm REALLY crazy about it though in the metro and bus. As a matter of fact I try NOT to touch ANYTHING in either... Even wash my gloves once a week.

BO intolerance... I hear ya mister sister... THe Mtl Gen Emerg was not bad, but there were two batshit crazies....


Entertaing in small doses... but after 6 hours you wanna throw em out yourself...

TICKLEBEAR said...

only two????
slow day!!!!!
:D~

Misster Kitty said...

LOL yea... well granted that's all I saw, as They had me well separated from the main wainting area there may have been more... but that's all I saw.. they WERE impressive tho...

TICKLEBEAR said...

amateur!!!
how about a mohawk that stood well above me, and you've seen me once, i'm not exactly "short"... and twice as wide. at the beginning, he wanted to rip my head off... by the time he left, sobered off, he insisted that we shake hands...
PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rahter that than calling 911 for the cops...
:D~