...oh how cliché.

Clichés.

Love 'em?
Hate 'em?

Personally I love them and use them quite often. The problem is that I've been know to not quite 'Hit the hammer on the head' ... and so it goes.

I suffer from some sort of Dyslexic Verbal Alzheimer. I KNOW the cliché, I swear I do! In my head I hear the correct cliché, but when it comes out... it's all wrong. Words replaced. Sometimes multiple clichés blended uncomfortably together. And even as the words are coming out of my mouth I know what I'm saying is wrong, but it's already too late!

What is more troublesome is that the next time the cliché is used, it's as if my mind can now only recall the last instance used and will repeat the botched line. No matter how hard I try to focus the incorrect version comes out. So much so that a couple have now become the correct version of the cliché with me and my friends.

Aside from the previously mentioned, 'Hit the hammer on the head' here are a few others you'll hear from me.

'Don't put off tomorrow, what you can put off today.'
-- I LOVE this one, I guess because I am a chronic procrastinator.

'Crap in a handbasket.'
-- I must say this one a good 8-10 times a day at work. It's makes absolutely no sense, but I feel better once I say it. It came from 'Going to hell in a handbasket', but just HOW I replaced the 'Going to hell' part with 'crap' remains a mystery to me.

...and here comes my absolute favourite!

'Put that in your hat and smoke it.'
-- ya just gotta love this! I remember the first time I said it; my friend Erin's face went from shock to confusion to the best, uncontrolled laugh I think I ever saw. That was something back in the late 80's and I still say it today.

Am I alone?

Does anyone else crucify their clichés?

Is it just me?

Am I the only one?

Don't be alarmed....

...but on my way to work this morning I saw a terrifying, super-natural, unexplained phenomenon.

When I looked up, unto the heavens, I saw something unfamiliar and strange... I froze in my tracks. It was large and round, and seemed to be ablaze with some cosmically destined intensity... an immense ball of fire, threatening to cook us all alive...

Was this a sign of the Apocalypse? Was this the beginning of the end?

...oh, wait... it was just the sun.

Nevermind.

And then there was seven...

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINALLY!











One down, one to go!

Elena... Here's hoping that NEXT year you get a more worthy partner!

---

As for Mz. Macy Gray, 3 things...
1) Can that chick belt out a song or what?!?!
2) That dress has got to go!
3) If she married gay men I'd say she was a black Liza! Man she's about 3 pills, a vodka and a spliff away from sluring 'New York, New York" and tripping on stage in a black beaded pant suit... and personally I cannot wait! I love her!

---

OK now back to the dancers... Billy Ray got more votes than Heather Mills?!?! What up people? Pull your heads out of your asses and vote the bitch off! (I personally blame white trash, middle and southern America.)

So work with me here people.. next week, Billy Ray had GOT TO GO!

That is all.

A Perfect score...

Well not THAT perfect... it wasn't Joey and Kym.

All I can say is fortunately it was for Apolo and he is a cutie in his own right. Their routine was amazing... AND there was conspicuous animal print, albeit tiger and NOT Leopard... It's not their fault... they're young.

Let's all just say a prayer and hope that Clyde or Billy Ray are axed tonight. (I actually voted - on-line- for John. I'm not prepared to see him go. At least, as I've said before, he tries. Which is a far cry more than either Tweedle-Cylde or Tweedle-Billy Ray.

Seriously, as bad as Clyde is, barely walking across the stage, what the hell was up with Billy Ray?!?! I don't think he took more than 10 steps. And even missing were his trademark 'arms wide open' moves. It was actually painful to watch.

Dear Dancing With The Stars Gods... get rid of Tweedle-Dumb or Tweedle-Dumber.

Hey Assholes...

...pedestrians have the right of way!

When you're in a car and in a merge lane where there is a crosswalk, WITH a Crosswalk sign AND A FU*KING YIELD sign... that means: not only must you yield to traffic, but also yield to pedestrian traffic. (and by that I mean people WALKING across the road on the FU*KING CROSSWALK) I nearly got run over twice by the same BIT*H driver this morning.

When I was walking to work after I got off the bus I looked at the cars on the road I had to cross (a Merging lane to the Met), not only was the line of cars not really moving (due to a snow storm's after effects) but I also had made eye contact with a driver (hereafter known as the BIT*H), so I naively assumed this was ok and I could cross. But just as I was about to walk in front of the BIT*H and her then stationary vehicle, she decided to pull ahead 3 feet. I had to stop dead in my tracks not to come into full contact with her car and still had to brace myself with my hand to balance. I instantly saw red and gave her car a good wallop with my fist. When I attempted to finish the walk across the road by crossing in front of her again stationary car, and she decides to pull ahead again.Had I not side stepped/hopped to the left I'd have landed full on her engine bonnet. This not having been the first such incident in my life I immediately decide to inflict damage on said bit*h's car. For approximately one minute I pounded the shit out on her car. The front bonnet, the passenger's side door and window.

Now I have a sore hand but I feel better knowing I scared the shit out of her. And I hope she will think twice again before cutting off a pedestrian (who again, HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY!!!) especially when she has no chance of 'escape'.

At work when I arrived a few mins later they asked me if I took her plate number, but I didn't. Unfortunately I was seeing too much red to have thought clearly enough to get the plate number (I REALLY need to do this, seeing as this is the 5th or 6th such time something like this has happened. I really should think more along the lines of reporting these jackasses to the cops instead of the instant gratification I am compelled to take by pounding on their car - and hopefully dear god, maybe causing a 'moment' in the undies!)

Look, I know I've got a few 'anger issues' but excuse me for thinking I should be able to walk across a crosswalk without having to do it so 'defensively' .

I've been in the 'big city' of Montréal now, nearly 16 years and it still amazes me how rude, and recklessly people drive here. Back in Halifax, this sorta thing never happened to me and I know no-one it has happened to there either. In Montréal, it's personally happened, as mentioned 5-6 times (seriously you begin to loose count over time!) and similar events have also happened to friends, co-workers etc. Can someone tell me WHY they drive like assholes in big cities?

You know what? Screw calling the cops. I'm gonna start a vigilante group. I'll encourage all pedestrians to walk with something hard and heavy, say a hammer, so when they get hit, or nearly run over by an asshole driver (and they will, it's just a matter of time) then they will be ready to bung up their car. Who's with me?

---

Ok well I'm feeling even better now that I've vented...

yup... it's Monday.

Quote of the week (2)

"There are many aspects of the contemporary gay subculture that I find ridiculous, but nothing could be more ridiculous than to say, as some critics have, that I am anti-homosexual simply because I do not embrace every twitty gay fad that comes along. I think that a lifetime of listening to disco music is a high price to pay for one's sexual preference."

~ Quentin Crisp

The Four Seasons...???

From the Weather Network, as of 5 pm Sunday April 15th 2007:

"From Sunday evening to Monday evening we expect : 15-20 cm of snow and 20-30 mm of rain."

Hey Mother Nature........... you suck!
Oh yea I said it .. you S-U-C-K!
You suck big time!
You suck worse than 'Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo'

What the hell?!?! It's the middle of freakin' April... you know the expression is 'April showers bring May flowers' not 'April snows, bring suicidal woes'.

One last time...
Mother Nature, you suck!

HAPPY FRIDAY the 13th

While I am terribly superstitious... I actually like Friday the 13th. (fingers crossed even as I type this)

After the snow-mess here in Montréal yesterday; today, even the Friday-13 variety, can ONLY be an improvement.

So... enjoy... and remember, it's STILL Friday!!!

Well... DUH!

So Juilette is a plant... no shit, Sherlock!

While it was another great episode last night; I especially like the confirmation that the plane crash was not some 'pre-destined, save the world from complete annihilation' theory that Locke is always so hyped up on. That it was on some levels an actual 'accident'. The 'non-actual' part of the 'accident' still apparently being the 'oopsie' by Desmond and the clock keeping the islands oddly intense magnetic fields in check (?)

As well, the bits n' bobs of the research on women's ability to carry a child to term on the island was great. It helps flesh out the which came first 'cancer; infertility' debate ( a la 'chicken; egg')

It was fun, too, last night trying to remember just who the guy was that Juliette was in bed with. Then we remembered it was the guy that Anna-Lucia accidentally staked to death. GOD! I miss Anna-Lucia! (Then again seeing as how LOST seems to follow no constant time line, in lieu of an ever-looping series of flashbacks and different angle views of the same events... we'll hopefully get to see her again.)

I can't help but be totally disappointed in the last 5 minutes. I was 99% sure that Juliette was there under false if not devious purposes. But... I would simply have preferred that they not reveal this proof for a couple of episodes. I'd much rather they have tried to convince me. And unlike the fictional characters on the island, I need more than an hour to convince me...

My co-worker Kelli seems to believe in Juliette's innocence. And that while YES, Juliette DID agree to Ben's plan to infiltrate the camp again, seeing as the other attempts all ended in the 'Other' being killed, either accidentally or on purpose. (I really wish there was more planned/on-purpose deaths on the island... I know that sounds slightly like you 'wanna report me to the authorities' type of insight into me, but it's just that it seems like if I were there I'd have killed a couple of the people that it was already inconclusively seen as being an 'Other' or 'Evil" and so on.... They always seen so damn trigger happy and killing the innocent, but the true targets keep getting away) that she was really there on her own and will not continue to be a pawn in Ben's game.

---

And is it just me, but don'tcha get the feeling that the Island is somewhere in the Indian Ocean and everyone will either be really 'LOST' and perish in the wake of Dec 26th 2004 Sumatra Tsunami...

...or what is more likely to happen in a truly 'Hollywood way' is one of the following:

1- the 'Others' will KNOW the Tsunami is a comin' and batten down the hatches,

1a -- or worse, get air-lifted just in time( natch),

1b ---or EVEN worse...all get tele-ported back in time off the island in the 'magic box room' and all this will seem like a bad dream, a la Suzanne Plechette.

2 - the island and all the people (and monsters) on it will survive because as we all know, if there's one thing a Tidal Wave doesn't like, is an Overly Magnetic Island.

3 - the tsunami was actually caused BY the island (this one I seem to not mind so much... odd)

--- at any rate...

...DUH!