Dear Blonde Bitch (in the office)...
Dear Blonde Bitch.
(You know who you are. )
(You know who you are. )
I'm done.
Look, I know there are over 400 people in our offices, and I don't expect you to carry on any length conversations with me in the halls as we walk past each other, but for fuck's sake, is it so hard to smile back when a person smiles at you? Or say 'Hello', or 'Hi', or 'Nice day' or "Mondays, eh?' with an ironic tone... No it isn't difficult and everyone else in the goddamned office seems capable of such benign and simple, almost instinctual niceties. It's called being polite. Look it up in the fucking dictionary.
I swear, today was the last time I attempt to be polite as I we cross paths in the hallway. I've tried all manner of polite inter office small talk and causal greetings as we pass each other. Everything from a smile to a nod, to saying: Hello", "Hi", "Bonjour", "Good morning", "Salut", "Nice day", "Bon Appetit" (as you walk past with your tray of food from the cafeteria), "Good evening" even "Have a nice weekend" and "Bon fin de semaine". See, I don't even know if you're English or French, because YOU DON'T FUCKING TALK. AT ALL. Indeed I'd have attempted conversation in any other myriad of language if I though you'd have had the common decency to respond.
But no. What have I gotten back from you? Generally a lack of any acknowledgement that I'm even there. And sometimes that stupid scrunched up face you make, like someone just farted in your face. Well you know what... I'm not ruling it out at this point.
You know what else? I asked around to see if anyone else got the same bitch-vibe from you and, no surprises here, everyone knew EXACTLY who I was talking about. "The Blonde Bitch" Oh yea, that's the name we have for you. Totally fitting, if by "Blonde" we actually meant "Cheap Bottle Blonde with Roots about 5 weeks past touch up".
It's amazing really... you are THE only person that thinks they are beyond such a simply polite gesture. Every other person I walk past, be it once a week, once a day or once an hour will at least make eye contact, smile. Hell I get more of a conversation from the cleaning staff and one of them only speaks Spanish, but at least we manage "hola" or "adiós" Christ! I pass the god-damned vice-president of our company a couple times a week, and he ALWAYS has the time and the common sense to smile, or say hello, or ask how everything's going.
And yea, I know he doesn't know my name, how long I've worked with the company, or likely what department I'm in, but he still makes the effort. And you know why? because he's a decent human being. He's just like everyone else. He puts his pants on one leg at a time. And he takes a shit just like everyone else... one turd at a time. Just. Like. You. Too.
And speaking of shit. So help me, if you don't cut out making the scrunched up face you make when you pass people, as if they smell like shit, I'm gonna slap it right off for you.
Oh, and while I'm at it... you're about 15 years past being able to wear those short skirts you wear, without making you look like a cheap tramp.
In conclusion, fuck you, 'Blonde' Bitch.
Fuck you.
Good day.
Look, I know there are over 400 people in our offices, and I don't expect you to carry on any length conversations with me in the halls as we walk past each other, but for fuck's sake, is it so hard to smile back when a person smiles at you? Or say 'Hello', or 'Hi', or 'Nice day' or "Mondays, eh?' with an ironic tone... No it isn't difficult and everyone else in the goddamned office seems capable of such benign and simple, almost instinctual niceties. It's called being polite. Look it up in the fucking dictionary.
I swear, today was the last time I attempt to be polite as I we cross paths in the hallway. I've tried all manner of polite inter office small talk and causal greetings as we pass each other. Everything from a smile to a nod, to saying: Hello", "Hi", "Bonjour", "Good morning", "Salut", "Nice day", "Bon Appetit" (as you walk past with your tray of food from the cafeteria), "Good evening" even "Have a nice weekend" and "Bon fin de semaine". See, I don't even know if you're English or French, because YOU DON'T FUCKING TALK. AT ALL. Indeed I'd have attempted conversation in any other myriad of language if I though you'd have had the common decency to respond.
But no. What have I gotten back from you? Generally a lack of any acknowledgement that I'm even there. And sometimes that stupid scrunched up face you make, like someone just farted in your face. Well you know what... I'm not ruling it out at this point.
You know what else? I asked around to see if anyone else got the same bitch-vibe from you and, no surprises here, everyone knew EXACTLY who I was talking about. "The Blonde Bitch" Oh yea, that's the name we have for you. Totally fitting, if by "Blonde" we actually meant "Cheap Bottle Blonde with Roots about 5 weeks past touch up".
It's amazing really... you are THE only person that thinks they are beyond such a simply polite gesture. Every other person I walk past, be it once a week, once a day or once an hour will at least make eye contact, smile. Hell I get more of a conversation from the cleaning staff and one of them only speaks Spanish, but at least we manage "hola" or "adiós" Christ! I pass the god-damned vice-president of our company a couple times a week, and he ALWAYS has the time and the common sense to smile, or say hello, or ask how everything's going.
And yea, I know he doesn't know my name, how long I've worked with the company, or likely what department I'm in, but he still makes the effort. And you know why? because he's a decent human being. He's just like everyone else. He puts his pants on one leg at a time. And he takes a shit just like everyone else... one turd at a time. Just. Like. You. Too.
And speaking of shit. So help me, if you don't cut out making the scrunched up face you make when you pass people, as if they smell like shit, I'm gonna slap it right off for you.
Oh, and while I'm at it... you're about 15 years past being able to wear those short skirts you wear, without making you look like a cheap tramp.
In conclusion, fuck you, 'Blonde' Bitch.
Fuck you.
Good day.
