Never feed squirrels by yourself!

Tell me THAT doesn't catch your attention...

OK so here's the back story...
A few weeks ago back Me and the Man went for a nice leisurely walk up to Parc Lafontaine and back. We noticed a few squirrels, and so I commented at the time, 'Next time we come up here we should bring some peanuts to feed them.' to which my Man said, 'Sure. Sounds good.'

Then...
Last weekend we bought a Kilo bag of Peanuts in the Shell. (No salt, as we don't want to give them high BP) In preperation

Cut to 3:30 pm this afternoon...
The rain stopped and it seemed like it might stay away for awhile so we decided to go for a walk. I grabbed a small paper bag and filled it with about 1/4 of the BIG BAG o' PEANUTS. We walked up to the parc and took a small stroll around the pond. (Well more like an oversized Zen garden that's none to Zen... there's next to no water, it's all round little rocks.)

We saw a couple of squirrels in the distance, but none close enough and those that were close were soon frightened away by either marauding toddlers or un-leashed dogs.

Finally after a full loop of the rock pond we climbed the hill and saw a squirrel not too far up a tree. So I threw a goober at the ground in front of the tree he was in, and he soon scampered down, grabbed the peanut in his mouth and scurried back up the tree. We saw another and tossed him a nut as well, and then I said, 'Ok we've done all we need to do for now, lets sit down.'

We brushed the few remaining drops of water off a bench and within 1 minute over came the original squirrel... then the other and then another. Then this cute little blonde number scampered on over.

Very cute! (I've been here almost 16 years and never saw a blonde squirrel before! Eventually we saw 3, but I digress...)

Soon we were feeding them hand over fist... and still they came. More and more until it was impossible to feed them all by hand... We had to start tossing little handfuls about to thin them out a bit. And they were still coming. From the front... from left and right... from behind... everywhere.

It was impossible to see them coming all at once and when I looked to my left, one climbed up my right leg onto my lap. and it scared the shit outta me! LOL He scampered off and I made sure, Mr. Impatient Fluffy Tail got the next peanut, less he aim for MY peanuts next!

More and more they came...


Small Squirrel bitch fights started to erupt. Little furry Whitneys and Bobbies... scratching and screeching at each other for a peanut like it was the last line of cocaine after a weekend in Vegas... We were now their pushers, and we had a very impatient lot of Peanut Junkies... looking very intently on us for their next hit... They were all looking strung out, and I swear I saw one scratching under a small squirrel-sized wig croaking out about how '... the children are our future...'

And then it happened....

...I reached in the bag and there were only 5 peanuts left...

Slowly I turned to my Man, while at the same time brushing two squirrels off my shins.. and I said in a calm low voice. 'Get up. We need to get up and start to walk away. We are almost out of p-e-a-n-u-t-s.' (spelling the word, lest they understand what I was saying and attack)

We started to stand, but it was too late. They knew. Of course they knew. They'd seen our type before... they knew it wouldn't last. And even in their knowing, with the smell of peanut breath heady in the air, they started encroaching on us. More and more. Closer and closer.

We started to walk away, but had to keep turning in swift spins to ensure they would not jump us from behind. And then, I swear I heard a bugle blow and they started all to run after us.

We headed further up the hill and passed a family of three on a nearby bench. This seemed to be a fateful move as the squirrels seemed to be distracted by family and stopped in front of them looking for something, anything... peanuts maybe... or blood?

---

We were able to escape this time. And in our post adrenaline rush I said, 'That was fun, we should do it again' He said 'Sure!' We knew we were both hooked on this as much as the army of Fluffy Tailed demons...

And so we'll be back again, and this time we'll be wearing chainmail and I'll take some video for y'all to see. And if we don't make it out alive... well then, let this be the prelude to the "Blair Witch III Squirrels seek Blood"